Finding Feelings
by Kafira-chan
Summary: Bones wants to escape from his unknown feelings for his captain. When a fight breaks out between Jim and other people feelings are brought to the surface.


Being in space for such a long period of time helped the formation of strong bonds between the crewmembers of the Enterprise. Those bonds were mostly those of strong friendship and the crewmembers would die for each other. It was often surprising how many people didn't understand that bond, even those in Starfleet.

People often questioned the bond between Kirk and I. I would always tell them that he was my best friend, my captain, and I was his doctor. I couldn't understand why people always thought there was something more between Jim and I, especially those who weren't crewmembers of the Enterprise. It wasn't until we were docked for repairs at a Starstation that I realized some of the reasons why people thought we were closer than friends.

Many of the crew had stayed on the starship but I decided to make my way to the bar on the starstation. I felt the need to get away from the crew and more importantly the captain of the Enterprise. Lately I had been noticing that every time I was around Jim I felt my stomach flutter and my heart would speed up. Those were the same symptoms I had when I first met my ex-wife. I couldn't accept that. I was not in love with my best friend.

I sat down at the bar and ordered a whisky, throwing it back before ordering another one. I sipped that one, enjoying the burn as I swallowed. I grimaced when I saw Jim walk into the bar. I had wanted to escape my mixed feelings about him for a little while without being buried in the sick bay.

Watching him walk through the crowd at the bar made me smile, he smiled at everyone he passed, making polite conversation as he headed towards the bar. He moved with such grace through the crowd I couldn't help watching. I stiffened a little when a couple of men from the starstation stepped in front of him blocking his path. They weren't looking for a friendly chat from the position they took around him. They were going to start a fight.

I stood up and started towards the group, ready to step in if they started something. They were talking smack to Jim, putting down the ship and his captaining, and saying his crew was shit and that we would never amount to anything. Jim was stiffening with each word, each bash on his crew bringing him closer to starting the fight. I was about to step in when they brought me in.

"You won't amount to anything! You are nothing but a gay little shit who has a thing for his doctor. A doctor who couldn't get onto a starship if he wasn't fucking you." They barely finished their statement before Jim was taking a swing at the leaders face, hitting him hard enough to send the man reeling backwards. I jumped in before the other two men went to start in on Jim.

I hit the first one in the face before he could hit Jim, the other one got a punch in on Jim as the leader stood up. He quickly jumped back into the fight, fists flying in every direction. By the time we were dragged apart Jim and I had were slightly beat up but the three startstation crewmembers were more so.

I grabbed Jim by the arm and yanked him from the bar and back to the ship. I dragged him to his chambers and made him sit down on his bed. "Dammit Jim, I am a doctor not a bar brawler. How is it that you get me into these scrapes all the time?" I grumbled as I gave him a glare to make him stay sitting down.

I went to the bathroom and got a cold cloth to put on his eye before hurrying back to his side. I handed him the cloth. "Put this on your eye before it swells." I ordered him quietly. I knew why he started the fight but that didn't mean I liked the fact that he was slightly hurt. Jim put the cold cloth on his eye with a hiss before looking at me with a cocky grin.

"Well that was a fun time." Jim told me as I sat beside him on the bed, resting my back against the wall. I raised an eyebrow at him in which he chuckled in response. "Well I suppose it's not what you would call a fun time but I sure enjoy a good fight."

I rolled my eyebrows at him, chuckling at his enthusiasm as I leaned against him a little. "It could have been a worse time." I glanced up at him. "It was nice of you to defend your ship and crew, especially your crew." I smiled up at him, thinking he could have handled that better but thankful none the less that he defended me even if it wasn't his original intention.

His grin softened into a smile as he looked at me and I thought I saw something in his eyes, something that made my stomach flip in delight. I forced the feeling down because I didn't think it was possible for him to feel that way about me. It wasn't possible for him to love me.

Jim smiled at me, reaching up to touch a bruise on my jaw gently. "I wasn't simply defending my crew Bones. I was defending you. You are more than simply my doctor. You are my best friend Bones." He smiled at me as he stroked my face. I couldn't stop myself from leaning into his hand a little.

"Thank you for defending me Jim." I murmured, loosing myself in the feel of his hand on my face. He kept stroking my face as he turned to face me better. "It means a lot that you were willing to start a fight with members of Starfleet over me."

Jim smiles gently down at me. "Of course I did. Bones, you are my best friend… you are more than my best friend actually." He looked a little uncertain before leaning forward, cupping my face gently. He kissed me gently before my brain could catch up to what he was doing. I kissed him back eagerly, sliding my hands around his shoulders as I pulled him closer.

Jim pulled back a little, his eyes bright with a smile. "Totally more than best friends." I smiled back at him, sliding my fingers through his hair.

I rest my forehead against his as I stroke his hair. "I… I love you Jim." I murmured quietly, closing my eyes so I couldn't see his reaction. I was scared about what I would see.

Jim stroked my cheek, not saying anything until I opened my eyes. His eyes were serious but full of an emotion that looked suspiciously like love. My heart flipped with excitement. "I love you to Bones."

I grinned as I pulled him in for another kiss, kissing him hard. I pulled him tight against me as I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. Jim gave a moan as he pushed me down onto the bed so I was lying down with him on top of me.

Jim licked across my lips, begging for entrance into my mouth so I opened for him, allowing his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance before I relented and let Jim into my mouth which he then explored. I moaned against his mouth as I pulled him tight against me.

I pulled away a little to look at him, panting hard. "Fuck. I love you Jim. You have no idea how long I wanted to do that." Jim smirked and closed the distance between us, kissing me again.

I kissed him back eagerly, stroking his back gently, sliding a hand under the bottom of his shirt tentatively. I moaned in pleasure as I felt his skin under my fingers. He let out a groan as I stroked his back under his shirt, tugging it up gently.

Jim sat up a little and took off his shirt. I licked my lips as I traced my fingers along his chest. He stared down at me with lust blown eyes causing me to shudder. I had seen Jim in many different states of undress because it was my job. He had never looked at me like that before.

I stared up at him as I traced my fingers along his chest before coming to rest on his pants. "Do you want this? Do you want to go any farther?" I asked tentatively.

Jim smiles and leaned forward to kiss me again. "I've wanted this for a long while now Bones." He tugged my shirt up and over my head, leaving us both shirtless. He stared down at me for a moment before kissing my neck as he tugs off my pants. I was thankful I had decided to go without underwear when I went down to the bar.

Jim smirked down at me as I lay naked beneath him. I started to tug at his pants down, eager to get them off of him. He chuckled and helped me get his pants off. We were both eager, there would time for slow later.

Once we were both naked he crawled back on top of me, both of us groaning as our erections brushed together. I rocked up against him, pulling him down in for another kiss. He groaned loudly as he rocked back against me. Without removing his lips from mine he reached into a drawer by his bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube.

He pulled away to look at me with a questioning look. I nodded eagerly even as he lubed up his fingers. I spread my legs for him, biting my bottom lip eagerly. As his finger circled my hole I made a promise to myself that we would be doing this again soon but we would take it slow. I wanted to map out every inch of his body.

I moaned eagerly as he pushed a finger in slowly. I lifted my hips before pushing down against his finger. I bit my lip in pleasure as he wiggled his finger around before adding a second, scissoring them. I pulled him down into another kiss as he added a third finger. I moaned loudly, thrusting back against his fingers.

Jim pulled his fingers out of me, kissing my shoulder as he lubed himself up and slowly pressed into me. I lifted my hips, giving a quiet hiss of pain as I adjusted to him before it turned to pleasure. I pushed back against him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He started a fast, hard pace and thrusting into me hard. I pulled him into a hard kiss as I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts. It wasn't long before the peak was fast approaching. It had been so long since I had been with anyone, especially another man that my orgasm came fast. Being with Jim just made it that much more pleasurable.

I came with a cry of Jim's name, arching my back and biting down against his shoulder gently. He thrust into me once more before he reached his release, moaning my name. He collapsed on top of me before pulling out of me carefully, lying down beside me.

I turned to look at him with a smile, cupping his face gently. "I love you." I kissed him gently as I snuggled against his body.

He wrapped his arms around me, smiling sleepily. "I love you to Bones. I really do." He pulled me snuggly against his body and slowly closed his eyes. He started to doze as I smiled up at him before burying my face in my captain's chest. I slowly started to doze, pressing close to him.

I finally found the place I wanted to be, I found a place where I was completely happy. I was happy in Jim's arms.


End file.
